everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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