Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
