took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
