I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
