just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
