Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
