When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize