Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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