Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
