Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
