i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top