Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.