Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
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I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit