I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.