Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me