I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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