peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
