shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
