Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
