I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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