I wish my penis had an off switch
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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