Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
