I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no you cant smoke seaweed
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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