well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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