just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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