why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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