Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
