Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
