I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
