We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
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I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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