Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
