I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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