im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
