Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did i walk over a car last night?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
