he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
fuck your aforementioned shoe
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
