i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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