:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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