i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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