I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
