based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
