Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
