My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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