My underwear smells like fireworks.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
