remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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