dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I could fuck to npr.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
