Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
