my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
