I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
