my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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