i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Congratulations! We have a period
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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