i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
