he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
