it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
