So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
