Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
