Soap is not a condiment
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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