Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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