ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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