Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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