He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
