went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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