I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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