never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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