Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
