That's intense
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
