I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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