I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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