Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Even my vagina gasped.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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