I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
