I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
