I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
