But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
