I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
