just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
