I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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